What's It Like to Watch a Man Who Attacked You Nominated As Attorney General of the United States? I would know.

I was just 19 when Congressman Matt Gaetz targeted me online. Now I have to watch him potentially become one of the most powerful men in the country.

WARNING: References to suicide, foul language, and eating disorders are present in the writing below.

This was an email I got a few days after Congressman Matt Gaetz posted about me on his Twitter account in 2022. His post was a response to my outrage at a rant he gave about abortion rights activists being too ugly to impregnate. 

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe that he would say something about me directly– especially considering at the time I was just 19 years old. I put on a brave face, and counteracted his hatefulness with hope. I started fundraising for abortion funds and with the help of people all over the world we were able to raise over $2 million in the months following the overturning of Roe v Wade. 

It was a feel good story for those on the outside looking in. A young woman standing up for herself unapologetically, counter attacking a grown man who had belittled her on such a public stage. People watched the story and saw it as a glimmer of hope, partially because I put on such a brave face. Defiant. 

I shouldn’t have had to. 

I was 19. I hadn’t ever lived on my own, very much still a child at heart. In a split second I had millions of eyes on me– and on my body. Every facet of my identity and personhood was subject to inspection by those who were supportive… and those who were not. A simple glance at any of the comment sections on any of my social media posts can tell you that for the last 3 years I’ve been harassed every single day by people, who just like Gaetz found entertainment in commenting on my body. 

This was not new to me. I have been bullied my entire life– so much so I was suicidal by age 12. I remember being so disgusted by the way I looked as a child that I often starved myself, followed by bouts of binge eating. I remember hoping that I would be diagnosed with some kind of illness because then at least I would lose weight! At one point I lost 30 pounds in a few months because I had been working out twice a day and refusing to eat. I was praised by people in my life for “working so hard.” 

So when Congressman Gaetz made his comments I was accustomed to it. In fact, just a few months prior I had been admitted to the ICU after complications with my health– caused by untreated diabetes. I spent three days with an IV in my arm, having Doctors tell me If I didn’t change things I would die. 

That was a low point in my life. Only matched by having the Congressman who attacked you publicly nominated as Attorney General of the United States. 

When I saw the headline I was speechless. 

Gaetz has been accused of misconduct with a minor, he’s been called a sexual predator by members of his own party, investigated by the Ethics Committee in the House! How could he be nominated? 

Today of all days I am reliving every day on the school bus when I'd run home in tears. Remembering every comment that told me I should kill myself or to stop worrying about abortion bans because no one would ever want to have sex with me. 

I am reliving that day at 12 years old when I thought my life was not worth living. 

Because the party that campaigned on “protecting women and girls” has nominated a man who has been accused over and over again of abusing them. 

But what kind of nominations can you expect when the people elected a convicted felon and adjudicated rapist as President of the United States? 

Tomorrow the fight continues, but tonight I will open a bottle of Riesling and pray our country survives the next four years.